英语写作中级技巧：给参加与不参加我口语培训的朋友们的礼物(2)漂亮句型

contactsymon

区别简短与简洁：
写作时非常强调简洁，但简洁绝对不代表要你写一大堆简单句。英语本来是一个比较单调的东西，缺少了句式的变化，写作出来的东西只会显得松散而且显得缺少写作技巧。适当的要把握好长短句结合的写作，以求文章读起来比较适合读者。这里我要写几个我搜集到的一些句子和技巧，希望对你写作会有所提高。
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1)        People and places changes as well. Tim felt it strongly. He had been away for many years.

! H  Q7 P9 G! r' aChange: On returning after a long term /many years, Tim had a strong feeling of how people and places change.

% n4 T: Y: ]( `2)        Susan graduated last summer. She joined the First Super Group in Singapore soon after graduation and received an engineering degree from her college.

% |  l( F. T$ X" lChange a :  After graduating last summer with an engineering degree, Susan soon joined the First Super Group in Singapore.
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Change b : An engineering degree-holder, Susan joined the First Super Group in Singapore last summer soon after graduation.
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Or : change c: Having graduated with an engineering degree, Susan joined the First Super Group in Singapore last summer.

这里就要讲讲一点小的变化技巧：我们中国人习惯于用who, that, which之类的定语从句，但不习惯用以上例2中的用法。2 b号中用到了一个是介词结构加主语加谓语 的用法。很多时候请在写句子时，都要想想你的几个简单句根据逻辑结构是不是能变化一下，以此来代替。

" `9 l( d" P% y( J2 x( d0 x. d2C则是用到了状语从句，加主语，加谓语的写法。这种写法的好处就是，having作为伴随状语起到独立主格结构的作用，避免了用after（我们中国人最喜欢就是用AFTER来写句子，对不？不怪自己没学，是老师没教更好的写法而已）的从句。大家有机会请无论如何要仔细品味一下2B与2C的写法。
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留个小作业吧，有兴趣的请继续跟写。请尽量将下面句子合并。
4 i' j. L2 j0 B/ A2 G! J' l1)        Snow White did her chores with a smile. Often she would sing while she worked.
2)        Memory is one of those abilities that we take for granted except when it fails us. So, memory is like digestion in this way (去掉SO，注意，so也是写作时尽量避免的)
& |% P$ L! |9 X3 ]. l2 S3)        Linda sat there. Her beautiful coat was still wrapped around her against the cold
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如果有建议和提议，欢迎来信 lettersgetter@hotmail.com，也欢迎加入我的口语培训。

大帅

楼主你整天注册马甲做广告有意思么？

wanwensu

不懂了， 分享学习经验也有错么 lz 好像没有强迫人家交钱去学吧， 这帖子连 “回帖才能看“的功能都没设，更别说要换聚元了。 英语学习中 （好像无论什么学科的学习都是这样）有些地方我觉得就是需要有人点拨一下，lz所说的正是我们在国内（起码是初高中）没人教过的， 被人忽略的方面。这些知识我们平时不觉得重要，因为可能在日常生活中也没用上或者用得不好也没人注意， 但是要是我们到了要用英语发paper的时候，这就是一个很严重的问题了。 我觉得看了这种帖子对我很有帮助阿。 谢谢lz无私分享

deutschlandcard

蒙一下
1, Often Snow White would sing while she worked with a smile
8 _5 T3 u' Q- ^' l4 k5 ]) N2, Like digestion, memory is one of those abilities that we take for granted except when it fails us.
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* }0 B' G# B7 k( b* }! v% q3, Linda sat there with her beautiful coat bing still wrapped around her against the cold

contactsymon

楼上的同学谢谢答题，不过有几个问题
, T4 K- N3 h" X+ X7 ?# U; ^1）句1你把我的题目中的前半句话给完全丢掉了。请把它补齐再联句才是。
２）非常完美！
% w7 X, S6 ?4 a7 Y! B! K３）第三句的思路比较对，用独立主格结构中过去分词来代替状语从句，但是你的问题是，此句改写后，语意上是有问题的。请尽量再改写一下最好。另外说一下语法，如果是being wrapped , being 加过去分词作状语，being是可以直接省略掉的。

此句再提醒一下，你最好写成Linda sat there, still ..............为好，后面的请你再想想如何改，用过去分词作伴随状态是绝对对的，只是你的" her beautiful coat"的位置要变化一下。希望你可以再继续跟写！欢迎大家有兴趣讨论此句改写。因为一旦你写会这种句子，将来任何相同的句子你都会用高级写法来代替了。

contactsymon

最终答案会过几天公布：）

deutschlandcard

谢谢老师的细心指导, 按你的建议修改了一下
: G0 T- \9 ?) ?6 N* W; I- |# \" P1, Often Snow White would sing during/on doing her chores with a smile. 不知道during/on用得对不对.
" Y& q$ t5 S  S# Q) B% k7 F3, Linda sat there, still wrapped with her beautiful coat around her against the cold.

contactsymon

第３题做得相当完美！就有一个介词WITH需要改动一下最佳！改成什么呢？噢，再卖个关子，你多想想成不？
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第２题你则在意思上变动得较大了。would在此应该去除，主要是它改变了整句白雪公主的状态。另外一个就是during doing something, 如果你用during,就只要during her chores, 而不应该用 during / on doing her chores，语言习惯上的毛病而已。
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第２题我给个比较准确的框架给你，你试试。其实和第３题的句型很相似，请尽量用Snow white did ..., 加上动词的现在分词状态做独立主格结构（第３题是用的过去分词，因为有being done在里面），想到答案没？

deutschlandcard

1, Often Snow White sang, doing her chores with a smile.
: p5 _* x; Q7 h' O% H3 _, N7 A2, Like digestion, memory is one of those abilities that we take for granted except when it fails us.
& j1 `6 ?$ C' Q) `$ s& n7 `, N3, Linda sat there, still wrapped in her beautiful coat around her against the cold.
老师的确好厉害, 学到了不少

热带鱼玻璃拉拉

mark!

contactsymon

答案公布：
( _, }+ A1 a! r% X- C( n# ~1) Snow White did her chores with a smile, often singing while she worked .
3 |9 I9 F, ]! r' W0 H1 R注意与原句的比较：  Snow White did her chores with a smile. Often she would sing while she worked.
只需要把sing　改成现在分词表状语就使写作上了另外一个层次，而且完全不影响原句意思和效果
2)Like digestion, memory is one of those abilities that we take for granted except when it fails us.
3) Linda sat there, still wrapped in her beautiful coat around her against the cold.
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谢谢deutschlandcard的答题，做得非常好，写作时在请尽量（不要绝对哟！）将句子写成此类形式，而不要过份依赖从句。

learnEnglish

What do you think about that I learn "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer"?
https://www.dolc.de/forum/viewthr ... &extra=page%3D1