该如何面对long distance love

xiaoluotuo

各位姐妹，我今天早上遇到我的一个加拿大朋友。他的女友也在德国，本来我们还想一起去10月啤酒节去德国，他问我和我bf怎么样了，我一五一十的把我的情况告诉了他。他当时就很火，他说他如果这样对待他的gf，他gf铁定反脸了。他让我个bf打电话问清楚。问问他对我们的将来到达是有什么打算。我觉得他说的一句话特别对。Eventually, one of you has to be prepared to move.  It should be clear with who and which country and when。我想这就是我今天要给他打电话问的问题了。

最后他和我说You deserve to know these things!!  You can't put your life on hold!!没错，我才不要怕bf会想我什么。我的未来不是掌握在他的手心了。我也要做主。

祝我好运吧，姐妹们！

miumiufox

原帖由 xiaoluotuo 于 2006-2-23 06:01 发表
各位姐妹，我今天早上遇到我的一个加拿大朋友。他的女友也在德国，本来我们还想一起去10月啤酒节去德国，他问我和我bf怎么样了，我一五一十的把我的情况告诉了他。他当时就很火，他说他如果这样对待他的gf，他gf铁 ...

I think your friend was absolutely right! My bf and I seperated for one year when we were dating, meanwhile we just visit each other twice shortly. then he brough this topic up, I said I couldnt go to Germany  without any commitment. He said without being together we never could make up mind for long term commitment. I didnt want him come to china to wash dishes (backthen, he still was student), do I came over to Germany, afer one and half year, we happiely married, and still happy now.
So you should or your bf should discuss how to go on this relationship, you move or he move, when and where, and how... you cant hold it any longer now.
Good luck! May you have a happy ending!$加油$

太阳红

祝福楼主MM好运!

不过我觉得MM爱他,其实也为他考虑一下他心里的感受，你说他为了爱情很冲动的来到了中国,那么你们以后的生活如何维持呢,是不是会为了这样的状况争执呢，所以很多都是现实的问题，我觉得你可能你的BF考虑问题比较全面，也比较周到,比较的现实,并非他不爱你,我是这么认为的，很多事情都是女人们自己想出来的,他来一次中国或是你去一次德国,当然想能彼此好好的在一起,好好的享受两个人的世界

你说如果一个还在工作,让你一个人在德国那里，他怎么能安心呢,你语言又不通,在德国又没有朋友,唯一来的理由就是为了看他，和他在一起.......,但是他又要忙于工作.......,这种情况你有没有为他考虑过呢

所以有很多时候换位思考一下,两个人的感情才会长久呀,尤其是分开在两地,对彼此的信任更是重要

我曾经和我的BF也是这样分开在两个地方,一年只能见到一次,现在我们已经结婚了,在我们交往的时候,周围的有些朋友也有反对,或是不看好我们的
但是我觉得别人的想法并不重要,或许朋友是为了你考虑,怕你受到伤害,不管怎么,关键还是在于你们自己,你觉得这个男人是否值得你去这样做,是否值得去付出全部的感情

没有人在刚拍拖不长的时候就来谈婚论嫁的,只有感情到了一定的时候,才会自然而然走到这个婚姻的殿堂的

其实感情的增进或是对彼此的了解,不只是局限于在一起就一定可以很充分了解好的,有很多方式的，不过有点很多JM说的很对，那就是彼此的沟通一定要直接,因为你们已经是分开在两地了，还含蓄的表达更加对感情没帮助了,而且德国人和中国人在事物上的看法会有区别的，所以还是要直接把你的想法说清楚，告诉她,你是中国人,中国人有中国人的传统观念,我们需要一个稳定的感情基础，我们不会只恋爱不结婚的，让他明白你对感情及婚姻的看法.......
希望楼主可以和你的BF幸福快乐

xiaoluotuo

昨天可真是一波三折，我晚上回家后迫不及待的给他手机打电话，可是却是关机，那我就考虑等他回家后给他家里打，好不容易我熬到1：30am也就是他那边的18：30，非常紧张，怕是他父母接电话，我还特意练习了一下如何说我找×××。免得鸡同鸭讲。我哆了哆嗦的拨了号码，嘟嘟嘟。。。。紧张中，突然有人说话，叽里咕噜一大堆，我就听懂一个name，是留言机，他家没人。白紧张。

我更睡不着了，迷迷糊糊4am醒来，一骨碌的爬起来，拿起电话打给他，这次我听到一个个男生说话。是我bf，终于找到他了。为了找一个借口我为什么给他打电话。我就说，我做了个恶梦，我梦到你不在理我了。所以我特别想听到你的声音，bf巨吃惊。扯了两句后，我就开始往正题上引。我问题他对我们将来的关系有什么打算？他又开始说他在努力来北京。。。。。。。，我心想打住，这样下去，又没结果了。

但mm我腼腆呀，说不出口“你会不会和我结婚”这句话。就在问他“你来北京后对我们的关系有什么打算？”他说“we can be together”?我就又问他，什么叫be together?是能经常见面吗？，他说“不光是，应该是一种close relationship”,我就又追问下去什么是“close relationship”,他说“我们有可能结婚，生儿育女什么的，但是不是现在，因为现在还年轻，过两年在说。”

他说完这个后我也不好在说什么了，就结束了通话。下面是我今天早上收到他的来信中再次提到我们的关系以及我5月去看他的问题。请大家帮我分析分析。他是不是有对我们将来有打算的态度。我觉得这个坛子里面很多姐妹都很成熟，所以我也特别想听听你们的意见。所谓旁观者清，当局者迷。

As I have told you, I personally could also imagine that we have a bright long-term future and if everything goes well, maybe we even might get married one day, have some children and live in a house somewhere in the countryside. But I think currently it is still too early for that and of course it is not only up to me to decide that ;o). Actually, I am also not so sure what you expect from the future, you are always only asking me...

And please don\'t understand me wrong. Of course I would be happy about every minute we can spend together and of course also if you could come here in May. The point is just that I know, of course, that flights between China and Germany are very expensive (maybe especially in May and October) and therefore a visit should also be worthwhile if you have to spend so much money and I just worry that this is not the case in the first week of May since I have to work and you probably have only a couple of days vacation. Therefore October would probably be better, because then I could spend 7 days a week and 24 hours a day with you, so that you could get 100% Andreas :o). And maybe we could also consider that I visit you again this year (but you may come anyway, of course). I have in total 25 vacation days a year, so there should be enough time to do that :oD.

tess88

wow.., 感觉上他的那种"打算"跟我gg说的很相似,就是live in a house somewhere in the countryside, such as Australia orNew Zealand etc...

xiaoluotuo我不知这是否意味着他是真心的,since 你们认识也有一年半多了,我相信他对你怎么样,你应该能够体会得到,对吗?
我觉得,若一个男人会体谅你,叫你别担心,但他不是光着嘴巴说说而已.他叫你别担心,另外一边,他正在努力地解决问题和铺好将来要走的路...这样的人很难得了...

希望你的苦恼能减轻点儿. 祝你早日找到你要的答案.

顺心如意.

flyingpig

原帖由 xiaoluotuo 于 2006-2-24 06:06 发表
昨天可真是一波三折，我晚上回家后迫不及待的给他手机打电话，可是却是关机，那我就考虑等他回家后给他家里打，好不容易我熬到1：30am也就是他那边的18：30，非常紧张，怕是他父母接电话，我还特意练习了一下如何 ...

你GG跟我很象, 我完全能理解他. 他不是不爱你, 只是你们两个的关系没有到结婚这一步, 这很正常.  结婚不是儿戏, 是需要考虑清楚.  感觉他比较务实, 对婚姻考虑得很仔细, 不轻易做决定.  呵呵.  我觉得顺其自然吧, 你们现在谈结婚是太早.

[ 本帖最后由 flyingpig 于 2006-2-24 06:43 编辑 ]

miumiufox

Lz's bf called Andreas? xixi. I know a german guy same name and also have a gf in China.

From what you said, it seems your bf is typical german man, very careful. but here every JJMM is right, he thinks it is not the time to talk about marriage even he indeed loves you. I guess Lz wants to know how to get there, get the place where he can talk about marriage. that's means long distance wont help you and him to get that point so easily. Now it depends what you want to do, do you want to go to him? or you want him come to you? without being together long enough to find out if you really can get along well, he would never mention marriage to you,i guess.
Long distance relationship need courage and money as well. you have to accept this. if cant decide moving now, then flying back and forward is nessensary, although it is expensive. but i think it is worth to find out if he is your true love??? Oder???

的的

我觉得楼主的BF不错啦，还是有诚意的．而且他说的好多话也很在理，确实两个人现在谈结婚太早了．

至于五月份你来德国的事情，我想他可能不了解中国的五一长假和国庆长假制度，还以为你不休息就可以把假期攒起来的。所以他可能以德国的方式来考虑你的假期了，以至于你们现在想法不一致。楼主再和他谈谈这个情况啊。